If you are reading this let me start by saying I am so sorry that you have to...and believe me i know that by me saying this it will not help in making it any easier. It has now been 1 year 7 months and 1 day since my husband of 7 years past away from a motorcycle accident, just two days after our daughter had turned 2. He was 26 a the time and I was 27. He was riding with one of his boys and some how lost control of the bike at aprox 55 mph. Some would call it a high speed wobble....this is where the back tire wobbles and ejects you from the bike. To me there is no other explanation other than it was truly his time. The first time I went to the "corner" I knew it is my heart it was his time. There was no other reason for the accident..road was clean, no debris, weather was good, no speeding involved, skilled rider in full gear, open corner, meaning you can see through it. He made it to the hospital but did not make it out of surgery due to a ruptured spleen. At first I remember looking up what a spleen was and was furious to know that it is a organ that we do not need. Some people go as far as to have the removed. Ultimately it hold extra blood and filters it out if it feels your body needs it, but if it ruptures can cause internal bleeding and lead to your death. Thankfully I have a GREAT support group that has gotten me through every moment of widowhood. Please know that ever thing you feel is normal. just go with the flow of your feelings. If you wanna cry let it out If you want to listen to music that reminds you of your loved one do so. If you wanna scream do that too. All I can say is it will get better, but do not put a time limit on when. It may happen soon or it may take years, but it will. And know now that there is NO right or wrong way to grieving. Personally my first and foremost priority was our daughter, and making sure she was still a happy 2 year old no matter what I was going through.
Not sure why i felt compelled to write all of the above but I am sure there is a reason. Originally I just wanted to write about some books, websites and songs that got me through the toughest time in my life at such a young age. So with all of that said there are a lot of resources out there for us young widows, some aren't so easy to find but here are some that I used:
Google: search for young widow forums if you do not like the one I have listed
These were used a lot in the beginning. But as i was going through the healing process I found it hard to log on. It was almost as if I was reliving everything as i would read someones new story. Still some where I go when i feel like I need guidance, or reassurance that I am still normal.
Books:
So the first book that i picked up was just not for me i could not relate, But then I found Widowed Too Soon by Laura Hirsch, and I must say I should have been careful for what i wished for. This book was so much of what i was going through that at times I could not read it with out hyperventilating and crying uncontrollably.
I'm Grieving as Fast as I Can by Fenberg
Widow to Widow by Genevieve Davis
Widows Wear Stilletos by Carol Brody Fleet (found recently, but wish I would have known about it in 07)
Do Dead People Watch You Shower by Concetta Bertoldi
One Last Time by John Edwards
Movies:
I try not to watch too many of these...cuz it is all to realistic at times. But my all time favorite is P.S. I love you. Some of my girlfriends took me to see it and there were many points where i was thinking why am i torturing myself by staying here and watching this movie...there were points i felt i could not breathe...points I wanted to scream...points where i was mad because why couldn't I get that one last message...oooh all the emotions that come back by just writing this. Please know if you watch it it is painful. I bought it to add to his box of stuff but do not plan on watching it again. to this day don't think I can.
Songs:
Well there is a good list and a bad list. bad meaning if i want to cry all i have to do is play it and the tears come pouring down. Please note that most of the songs are R&B, or hip hop. But if that is not your preferred genre I would still give them a chance you never know til you hear it.
Without you~Christina Aguilera
No one~Alicia Keys
We Belong Together~Mariah Carey
I love you~ Mary J. Blige
Good Man~India Arie
Finally~Fergie
My Immortal~Evanescence
Come Home Soon~SheDaisy
Storm is Over~R.Kelly
Shadow of the Day~Linkin Park
Love Song~311
NightShift~Comodores
Diferences~Genuwine
King without a Crown~Maisyahu
It's so Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday~Boys II Men
Pride & Joy~Jon B
I'll Be Missing You~P Diddy
I hope that this post will help at least one person. Please feel free to contact me if you just need someone to talk to. No matter how great my support system is it felt better knowing that there were others out there just like me battling the same craziness that life brings. I do not wish it upon any one, but it helps knowing you are not alone and reading others stories.
Forever In Our Hearts
R.I.P JIZ
3/25/81-8/15/07
Wow, just found your blog today. We have a some (sad) things in common. Peace to you.
ReplyDelete~Robin