And then there was 1

I have had much time to reflect on quite a few changes that have occurred over the last couple months, I have had time to really dig deep again within me and find out the true issues going on in my head.  I came to realize that although I had acknowledged not dealing with Josiah's death and the affect it was having on my current relationship as well as myself, I never really did anything about it.  Well I am taking a stand!  I have learned yet again that in order to truly move on you must take time to take in what has happened and allow the emotions to actually pour out of the bottle, vs stuffing the bottle.  I was realistic about his death, I knew he would never be coming home, never be calling me again, I knew I would never hear the words I love you from his mouth, or even here his silly laugh... I knew all of that when he died...but what I did not realize is that regardless of what I pushed through life, because I knew life would not stand still for me, and I had a precious baby girl that I had to make the world normal for.  Now she is a amazing little girl, no longer a baby and it is time to take care of me, time for me to actually deal with it and not run from it.  

Now that all the children are getting bigger and more self sufficient it is time to get back to me, I am enrolled back in school and am hoping to be graduated next year.  I am looking forward to a healthier mental health.  

Some unresolved issues have been resolved as of now, but I am not sure how it will go.  As in any relationship it takes effort on both parts, 1 can only carry the relationship so far, only time will tell, even though in my gut I know which path it has taken and it saddens me.  It was great while it lasted and I will just cherish the wonderful memories made.  

This post may make no sense to anyone reading LOL, but it is what has been on my mind the last few days and I have learned if it is there more then 1 day get it out on paper....so here it is....my thoughts on paper..... And then there was 1....me, myself and I to take care of me, myself and I.