August is always a bittersweet month, I try my best to enjoy yet over occupy myself with planning Ariyana's bday all in hopes that 2 days later I would wake up from the horrible dream that changed my life 6 years ago. I am blessed with all the things new in my life now 3 beautiful kids and a beyond supportive hubby, but it does not take the pain of what once was away.... May he continue to RIP. Thank you to those that came through tonight. Not a day goes by that we don't think of you Josiah.
That was my FB post, yet not all of my thoughts are worthy to be put out in the FB world. This year was the first year that something told me to ask Ariyana if she wanted to go to the cemetery, and to my surprise she said no, I told her we would talk about it again in a day or so...a day or so came and went and I was scared to ask her because I knew she meant no.....This is truly a double edged sword...I am not sure if I have failed in keeping his memory alive, or done so well that she feels comfortable in knowing that she does not need to go to the cemetery to feel close to him. Today when we got back I asked her why she did not want to go and she said because it's boring and that she prays quietly every night. I think this year became the last of the years that we will go... from here on out we will find a new way to keep his memory alive even if it means just watching his slideshow at home.
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