Yes today would have marked our 11 year wedding anniversary. Last year I had told myself that would be the last year I was going to celebrate without him, so as the day approached being that i had not been making plans it kinda went unseen. Last night I cried...a cry that I have not cried in a really long time, the trigger was Jess cutting his hair and waking me up at 1:40am, now don't get me wrong normally you wake me and I am not the happiest camper, however to sob about it is not me. As was crying I even sad great now I can't stop and I don't even know why. well I finally cried myself to sleep, woke up in a not so great mood, and as I type I am still in a funk. I get to work and have to write the date and then it all comes together.
What amazes me most is that no matter how much I may try to block out dates that should no longer be of importance such as a wedding anniversary of someone who has not been here for over 3 years my inner being will not allow it, and it takes me through a emotional roller coaster. As most of my readers probably know I have to be in control (mostly of my feelings), and at times when I am not in control of my feelings it throws me for a loop, a loop that I have not prepared myself for mentally, emotionally.
Needless to say I was not prepared for today, and as I continue to type I have to constantly fight back the tears. As much as it hurts I am thankful that my inner being will not allow me to forget something as great as the marriage that we shared. He made me the woman I am today, and if it was not for everything we went through I would definitely not be the wife I am today. I miss him, more than I have let myself believe and feel for a while now.
To my dearest Josiah,
I am beyond thankful for the years I got to spend with you, the many memories that we made, for the precious, yet crazy ass daughter you gave me. I love you now as I loved you then, you will always be a part of my life no matter how many years pass.
Love always,
Your Wifey.
it's hard to put aside parts of our lives that made us who we are, to not think about them cause they cause too much pain. I don't know the loss you feel, but I know that you are one helluva strong woman, (u prlly dont want to hear that) and i love you deeply...
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