Ok I guess I want to begin with the fact that I am beyond thankful that I am still alive and kicking. This weekend I got to watch my baby carve her first pumpkin ever. we have bought them before but never really wanted to deal with the mess. Well this year it was all about the mess. It was amazing to watch her go from ewwww to kinda liking the whole thing. It made me reflect and think about all that her daddy is missing. Although we are thankful for Jess in our life it is and will always be something in the back of my mind. I remember watching Josiah with our daughter and how fascinated he was when she would discover something new, how he thrived off seeing that first reaction of hers, and to be quite honest I miss that tremendously, but once again am BEYOND thankful that my time here is not over. I will cherish each moment with my daughter to the fullest.
Moving and cleaning: The time has come and we have started cleaning out and bringing some of Jess's belongings to SJ from Vallejo. I know this is a major move on his part, and I am trying to be as sensitive as possible to it. It was actually not as bad as I thought, it took us about 5 hours and one full ass pathfinder to get most of the trash to SJ. now for the most part all that is in his room is stuff that he will slowly bring down. Next date on the cal is to sit and go through HELLA vinyl's. I think that part will be fin for me but he will probably be over it LOL. I can not wait for him to be here full time!
Staying focused: There have been a few things on my mind lately about relationships, friendships etc. I will not go into too much detail, only time will tell, but what I will say is this. Life is life, memories are made only once. No matter what I have done has been done from my heart, and most people that TRULY know me know that I am giving, and want to make the best of every situation for every one else. Whether I had the money, didn't have the money, whether I had a special occasion that may have conflicted, whether I was grieving or not! I made sure to not lose focus of who was special in my life, and making sure that they knew they were special to me. From this day forward I will be making some changes, changes to cancel out all negativity in my life, I will prioritize me and only me. In the end it will not be my loss. I will refocus on not having expectations, this will help in me not feeling hurt or let down. It's all about love, positivity, and peace from here on out. and if I died today, I am fulfilled in all that I have done, and all that I have accomplished in my life.
Moving and cleaning: The time has come and we have started cleaning out and bringing some of Jess's belongings to SJ from Vallejo. I know this is a major move on his part, and I am trying to be as sensitive as possible to it. It was actually not as bad as I thought, it took us about 5 hours and one full ass pathfinder to get most of the trash to SJ. now for the most part all that is in his room is stuff that he will slowly bring down. Next date on the cal is to sit and go through HELLA vinyl's. I think that part will be fin for me but he will probably be over it LOL. I can not wait for him to be here full time!
Staying focused: There have been a few things on my mind lately about relationships, friendships etc. I will not go into too much detail, only time will tell, but what I will say is this. Life is life, memories are made only once. No matter what I have done has been done from my heart, and most people that TRULY know me know that I am giving, and want to make the best of every situation for every one else. Whether I had the money, didn't have the money, whether I had a special occasion that may have conflicted, whether I was grieving or not! I made sure to not lose focus of who was special in my life, and making sure that they knew they were special to me. From this day forward I will be making some changes, changes to cancel out all negativity in my life, I will prioritize me and only me. In the end it will not be my loss. I will refocus on not having expectations, this will help in me not feeling hurt or let down. It's all about love, positivity, and peace from here on out. and if I died today, I am fulfilled in all that I have done, and all that I have accomplished in my life.
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